Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just had sex bonerless
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
