whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
