the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
