he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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