Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
