I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
