So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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