I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
