So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
