that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
