He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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