So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
