u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
