so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
