if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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