She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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