ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
