you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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