i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
