Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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