What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
