I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
