Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
