the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
