So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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