I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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