I heard we made out
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
