she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why is your signature on my underwear?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
