Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
