god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
