6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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