Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
