I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
