Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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