hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
