I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
