Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
