WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
