i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
