My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
