Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
