walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
