i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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