i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My cat gives me a boner
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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