I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
