We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
