I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
