Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
