I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
