shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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