Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
